Monday, February 29, 2016
For Better or For Worse. That is the Question
You know how the wedding vows mention loving each other for better or worse, til death?
Well, James mentioned thinking about his wedding vows and that led to us talking about how much we loved each other.
James told me he loved me so much, that he would be willing to give up his freedom (for a short time). He said he would love me even if I gained 150 pounds.
It all sounded really sweet, but it made me question the whole idea of what "for better or worse" actually means. I mean, it sounds really bad if one were to tell their mate that if the other gets fat, then their spouse has a right to leave. But conversely, people would think it stupid to stay in a marriage if one spouse became abusive.
So what does "for better or worse" really mean? And does love even have anything to do with it? Some people think that once you get married, you have to accept any and everything that happens with your spouse. This includes weight gain, medical issues, mental issues and everything else in between.
James and I asked some friends and coworkers and he told me a few of his friends said that anything goes, including tattoos... my response was, "That isnt fair. You mean to tell me that if I am conservative and marry a person I thought was conservative as well, then after we get married they suddenly get a neck tattoo and all other crazy stuff, I am supposed to sit by? But that isnt who I thought I was marrying!" It all sounds shallow, but I am being honest here. That just isnt fair.
I for one do not believe that a marriage certificate is a license to let yourself go, or do whatever you want. Being a unit actually should mean the opposite. You now make decisions based on the new union you are a part of. That should include maintaining healthy weight and lifestyle, and being true to you and the relationship you're growing. The saying goes, that you have to continue doing the things you did to catch your mate, in order to keep them.
Growing old together, including weight gain is normal. But putting on 100 pounds in less than 5 years is really pushing the envelope. Barring medical issues, that is not acceptable in my opinion. That example touches on the aesthetic aspect, but what about deeper issues? This is a conversation that could go on and on...
At the end of the day it's about balance and wisdom. I think for better or for worse is standing by your mate through thick and thin, of course, but not to the point of abuse, or pain and neglect! This topic is definitely NOT cut and dry.
If James suddenly put on a bunch of weight, Im not sure how attracted I would be to him. But I wouldnt love him any less, and I would stay with him. Im loyal and devoted. I would encourage him to lose the pounds though, and not just to be my eye candy. I want him healthy as possible so he will be around for a long time. I love him!
But.... I probably would not go to jail for him. Do I love him less that he does me? I dont think so.
Our discussion went on for two days. Finally, James asked me to post the question on Facebook. Here are the results. Feel free to take part in the discussion in comments below.