Thursday, May 5, 2016

Moving Forward

we are now on the same page and of one mind
Yesterday James and I talked for about four hours. We clarified our thoughts about the wedding and what actually happened the weekend James spoke with his parents about inviting more of his family.
He told me that he loved Glen Garden and that when he agreed to it, he wasn't feeling pressured from me. He genuinely liked the place. With that said, he still felt torn about not being about to invite everyone but decided to proceed anyway. He said he wrote the check and would sort the guest list later.

When his parents spoke to him about "contributing," he felt compelled to at least consider it because it would allow him to invite all his family, which he is close with. James is from a big family who is very tightknit. He never wanted to invite some without inviting others. If anything, he would elope before picking and choosing between those he cares for. His compassion for his family clouded his vision and so he promised his parents that he would speak with me about the situation. When he brought it up to me, I felt as though he undermined our relationship and the decision WE made to book the venue. I guess it was because he wasn't expressive of his thoughts. He blindsided me with his inaction. (Especially not mailing the contract)

I think he should have stood up to his parents. I did not understand how he truly felt about inviting his family because he agreed to Glen Garden. He really did like the place and made sure to drive that point home to me. Personally, I view the wedding as something that is between me and James, and not anyone else. To me, the rest of the world is secondary. James expressed to me that he does not feel that way. For him, a wedding is a family affair. He feels torn having to exclude people. I suggested that we throw a party so everyone can be a part of our celebration, but to him, that isn't the solution because he wants his family to witness our actual vow exchange. If anything, a reception is unnecessary in his eyes. He said the vows are what he feels are the most important part of the process.

I guess we will never see eye to eye on that, and we may end up postponing the wedding, or simply eloping. But we both would rather be able to share our special day with those we love. EVERYONE.

James said he would take a bigger part in the planning and that he already made some phone calls to a venue he has in mind. He apologized for not being more outspoken but he will work on that. We spoke about communicating better and he promised me he would not leave me out of his thought process again. I told him his behavior was relationship threatening.  He agreed and said that he will be more mindful and start treating me as he would he wife.

I told him that I never took him for a people pleaser and he assured me that he wasn't. It wasn't his parents' feelings that had him stalling about Glen Garden. It was him! So We agreed to keep things 100 between each other as we have always done. I told him that his keeping that information was so contrary to how we usually roll! We ALWAYS talk about any issues. That's our THING!

Yall know we just had an interview last month and talked about how we always keep things real with each other. James said he didn't want to disappoint me, so  he procrastinated talking to me about the wedding and how he felt about things.

I told James that I wanted to know how he truly felt about everything. He told me he wanted a list from me detailing how I felt. I said I thought it would be best to just talk in person. He was good with that. I liked his list. I told him I would comply. And he said he would comply with mine.

I was afraid that maybe I was making a mistake, but I blew things out of proportion due to James' silence (Well, in addition to that, the last thing he mentioned was pushing the wedding back and his parents wanting more people there... blah blah blah, so of course I was upset!). Now that we worked it out, I am confident we will be fine.

I can't see myself without this man. I am not throwing in the towel, and I am proceeding with the wedding plans for October. I told James I was handing everything over to him, but I was lying. Im still gonna search too! Hahahahha

Oh, get this: James has a hookup where he can get free tables and chairs. I was like, WHAT? Why aint you tell me that in the beginning? That changes a lot. Ughhhh men! Gotta love 'em.

Before I end this post, I want to thank everyone for their advice and comments. I appreciate it and it helped guide my conversation with James.

Stay tuned as our story unfolds. #J_Shaahn2016 in full effect. (^_^)


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