The last few months have kind of been a whirlwind. Between school (Im taking a PMU class that is INTENSE), changing jobs, and planning my wedding, I don't usually know whether I am coming or going!
I made a LOT of stuff for the wedding, including table decor, (sans flower arrangements. I WAS going to make my own, but my florist uncle insisted he make the bigger arrangements and bouts) favors and altar backdrop. I even painted my wedding shoes and bedazzled them. I originally bought some Giussepi Zanotti shoes, but they KILLED my feet. There was no way I would make it through the day with those torture devices strapped to my feet. SO I took some comfortable shoes I already owned and painted them to match my wedding clothes!
I never thought I was a good visual artist, but this wedding has brought out some latent genetic talent. LOL My family is very talented with their hands, but I never displayed any signs that it was part of me growing up. I guess sometimes necessity brings out the skills. The thing is, I wanted everything to be nice and personalized, and since we couldn't afford to pay other people to do it for us, I did it.
James couldn't really be bothered with details such as esthetics, so I took the reigns and RAN. It was fun. Time consuming, but fun. I even made the wedding program on a mirror. I wrote it myself, and it came out really nice. We love it.
I did garner a little help from my stepdaughter, London. She assisted with the paper flowers and photo props. (Yes, we are doing the cheesy photo props.) We had a good time.
We were a little backward with the engagement photos, so I will post them here for you to see. I used some on the wedding website, but I posted them AFTER most of the RSVPs so not many of my guests saw them LOL
We decided to be unconventional with much of the ceremony and reception, so that too is different... Im very nervous. I have never put an event together before alone, so I feel like its all a reflection of me. And I do NOT want to look bad.
James is very laid back. That was challenging for me in the beginning. But he really is all on board. He's taken the boys suit shopping, started working out, and always asks if I need help. (I usually say no.) He and my dad will deep clean the house to accommodate all our guests. That is the one thing I did request of James. I keep a decent house, but when it comes to guests, I want spring cleaning type of clean. I was going to hire a cleaning service, but James is not having that. He said he would take care of it. And he promised I will be satisfied, so I'm going to let him take the lead on that. Besides, my dad is so OCD, Im sure the house will sparkle when they are through.
I guess I've done enough talking. Time for pics. Enjoy! If you follow my IG, you'll see other pics. This isn't the conclusive list.
**Photo Credit goes to Allen Matthew Stephenson, of Stephenson Art in Hampton Va. Photos belong to me. Please do not repost without my permission.**
I am THRILLED to write this post tonight. I just finished creating my wedding invitations from scratch. We are getting 100 4x6 glossy, color, (printed front and back), with graphics AND matching envelopes for a STEAL. (IMO) I will let you all know the name of the company once I receive the invitations. I don't want to recommend them just yet. I will admit that I have used this company in the past for marketing material and was very pleased. Glad they sent me a promo email earlier in the week. Otherwise I had forgotten all about them. I haven't gotten email from them all year. I guess this was simply serendipity!
(^_^)
it's getting real!
I really want to show the invites to you, but I have to wait until I mail them out. I worked on them all day. Thankfully, James liked them too. He's hated all the other invitations I made up. For now, Im just waiting for the proof to arrive in my inbox before I give the printing company the green light. They should be here by June 30 which will be perfect because then I can hand some out at James' parents' July 4th BBQ. (Heheeee saving on postage like a BOSS)
BTW I am just itching to tell you how much my invitations cost! Okay... Are you sitting down?
$38.
That's it. That INCLUDES SHIPPING of $13. (Insert happy dance)
This lady is sticking to the $10K and below budget that we set.
Stick with me til the end, and I will give you a breakdown of all the expenses! I just might be able to help other couples have an elegant, yet inexpensive wedding. Maybe I will put all the data together to make a little webpage or something for other DIY couples on a budget.
So far, we have cut down costs by having a shorter reception, and although I will be sending out hard-copy invitations, we are getting all RSVPs online. This solves the problem of how we were going to get the word out in the first place.
I'm so excited about the progress we are making here. I know it's crunch time.
Now, if only a beautiful eggplant or plum colored suit for James would fall into my lap... That is the next hurdle we need to cross.
PS> It looks as though our color palette is shrinking to just two colors -- Baby Blue and Plum. Its been tough for me to work the sage in. I guess the flowers will have to reflect that. They dont allow a whole lot of decorating at the Museum, so minus the flowers, and tablecloths, there's no place to display the "color palette." Im fine with that.
So....
Yeah, things haven't been too exciting on the wedding planning front, so I have been quiet as far as posting. Right now, we are just making plans for everything and paying installment payments on everything....
I bought my wedding shoes. They're a beautiful pair of vintage Giuseppe Zanotti sandals. The heels are over four inches. I bought these special inserts that are supposed to shift the pressure off the balls of my feet to my heels. I hope they work! I also got some metatarsal gel pads that stick to your feet instead of your shoe. That way, when the photographer takes the "shoe pic" it won't have ugly shoe inserts showing. LOL
I got the shoes from eBay for $75. (Yes we are still on course to spend less that $10,000 on this wedding)
One exciting part of the preparation is the big party we are having the night before the wedding.
PARTY
The invites have gone out and I believe it will be a great event. It's a costumed party to the theme of the Martin show. James and I will surprise everyone with our costumes.
Another exciting thing that happened is I received my bridal gift box. Last month I signed up to receive a Natural Hair Bride box. It's not an expensive subscription (especially for all you get inside) and I like the idea of getting gifts each month leading up to the wedding. Big stress reliever. I was thinking I could definitely use the boxes later AND probably use some of the items to gift my besties for all their help.
Below is the video that shows all that came inside the inaugural box.
--We are a little over three months out and we still need to finalize invites. I do have the website up and running. Just need a formal invite to get people to the site, and I still need all of James' contacts. I sent out invitations to closest friends and family just to get a preliminary headcount. I think we may need to order more food (-_-)
-- The suit place I wanted to go to doesn't have the color suit I want for James. We may still use them though. May need to choose an alternate color.
-- Spoke with my floral coordinator (my uncle) and he's gonna donate two 4-ft columns and an archway :) We love free stuff
-- I've begun my bridal bootcamp workout and I LOVE it. I am toning up and James is taking notice. It's been a full two weeks and I see results, so definitely not giving up.
Here are the videos I've been using in case you want to get in shape with me
-- We still have yet to do a cake tasting or formally hire a cake vendor, although I think I have one. Problem is I may have to sacrifice my dream of cake pops and cupcakes... :(
Love you guys. Will keep you posted!
PS. If you would like to check out our registry, and leave us a message you can do so HERE
Marine Corps Museum Semper Fidelis Memorial Chapel
Last month James and I did a walkthrough at the National Museum of the Marine Corps. It wasn't really planned, but I am so glad it happened! Remember how upset I was that we lost Glen Garden? Well, this is a better venue and CHEAPER! (ayyyeeeee)
You know we had some drama in April concerning the venue, but we got it all straight and decided to renew our commitment to each other. We kind of let other people's expectations of our wedding event got the best of us. I tell you, wedding planning is a CHALLENGE!
James and I promised to focus on building our new life with each other, and not let anything or anyone come between us. We realized that we lost sight of what was most important -- us. And believe it or not, we hadn't been communicating properly which took a heavy toll!
One thing we have always been good at is being open with each other, and we learned that if we are not open, then we begin to build animosity. We literally almost broke up!
The drama is over now. We really like the museum and the museum chapel. We decided to rent the Overlook in Leatherneck Gallery and Tun Tavern. I love that we have a ready made theme. And people will be entertained just by the venue alone! We are holding the wedding right before the museum closes, so our guests can walk around and see the exhibits while James and I take photos. Nobody will be bored!
The museum is perfect. It has everything that we both want:
-- Accommodates up to 200 people (now James can invite all his peeps)
-- Sleek modern design with a garden feel (the chapel is in the woods and the whole thing is made up of wood and big old windows so the view is amazing, which satisfies my desire for a garden wedding)
-- Price point is right (and tax deductible) We wanted to spend less than $10,000 total, and we WILL.
-- Unique venue that makes for great memories and pics (I love to leave a lasting impression)
-- Easy to locate and close to my home (Don't want all the out-of-towners getting lost) You can see the museum from I95.
View from the altar area looking back toward the entrance.The benches now have cushions
View from the back of the chapel near entrance
During our walkthrough, we also settled on the catering. We opted for a two-hour standing reception with cash bar. We will have heavy hors d'oeuvres served and a self-serve gourmet cheese fruit and nut platter with assorted gourmet crackers. We chose an array of appetizers from vegetarian to seafood. Everyone is covered! James was adamant about choosing special table linens for some reason. The catering manager said she's never had a groom so involved. I told her it's not as great as it seems because he keeps getting in my way. She just laughed and James grinned.
We concluded our meeting and put down the deposit. We are officially on to the next phase of wedding planning. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but I've created our wedding website and sent out invitations to our closest family and friends in order to get a preliminary headcount.
Here is my list of things to do/things that are done:
We still need to secure a pastry chef to make our cupcakes and cakepops.
Flowers are taken care of! My uncle will make my bouquet. I am so honored as he is a world class floral designer. Very well known in that business. One of my best friends volunteered to handle the table decorations and James' sister will decorate the chapel.
I know which favors I will order, so I guess that's out the way too.
I would love to take dancing lessons with James for our first dance. (Not sure that will happen)
I am meeting with a makeup artist this weekend, so hopefully that box will be checked.
I have to come up with a program for the wedding day. That shouldn't be difficult.
We already have our bachelor/bachelorette party invites and FB event set up. That party will be amazing! It's a costume party set to the MARTIN show. James and I have our costume ideas already and they're top secret but guaranteed funny.
I guess my next move is formal invitations. We have decided to go with the electronic invitations in order to save money, and to keep things simple. It's so much easier to track RSVPs with the evites.
Next week James and I are heading to the tailor to look for him a suit.
I got measured for my sample gown. The seamstress is officially underway! We are looking for the perfect shoes too. That is proving to be more difficult than I had imagined it would be.
I think that's it. Im sure Im missing something, but these are on my immediate radar at the moment.
Curious about the wedding website? Well feel free to check out our wedding website HERE (don't mind the pics. We had to postpone our professional shoot due to rain)
We will be on the second deck, so here is the view from the Overlook
Tun Tavern (the tables will have table cloths and stuff)
What James and I really want is a luxurious honeymoon complete with adventurous excursions, spa days and secluded beaches. We want a whole two weeks to enjoy Tahiti, Bora Bora and Moorea. We want to do things that neither of us will ever forget. Have a vacation like the rich and famous! LOL Start our life together with a trip for the storybooks!! James and I know how to make the most of what we have, but it would be so amazing if we could go on vacation without a care in the world other than having fun, relaxing and loving each other. That is where the Honeyfund website comes in.
If you have been following our relationship, you'd know that both James and I have our own independent households. We will be combining them and James will move in with me until we save enough to buy a bigger, more suitable home for six.
With that being said, a traditional wedding registry is simply unnecessary. We have been blessed to have everything we need to embark on a life together, barring some home improvement projects that are relatively inexpensive. I found this wedding registry website called Honeyfund, where you list your registries including your honeymoon wishes. Yes! Your loved ones, family, and friends can contribute to your honeymoon, instead of getting you gifts or cards filled with cash.
As this is the second wedding for us both, we are paying for everything ourselves. Suffice it to say the ideal gift for our circumstances and position in life IS money or gift cards. Various home goods would be nice, but even then, we wouldn't be getting anything that we do not already own. We would just be getting newer versions. At this time, what we currently own is just fine. We don't need new stuff! I'm talking about small appliances, bedding, etc... You get the drift. So I think it's smart to steer people toward the honeymoon registry since that is what the both of us truly want.
We have opted to do a minimoon for two days immediately following our wedding. We will have our true honeymoon vacation around New Year's. It gives us time to save and plan the exact honeymoon we want.
James is not totally onboard with the idea of Honeyfund. He feels like it's begging for money and comes across as tacky. I told him that times are changing. Most of our gifts will be cash anyway! People aren't offended by us being honest! And besides, what is even more tacky would be returning gifts we do not need! Why not give people the link to our honeymoon registry when they ask us where we are registered? This way people can choose what they contribute to specifically. They can choose from helping pay for airfare, to hotel stays and excursions.
I am not saying we should put the link in the invitation, but when people ask, we share. I think it's a great alternative to the traditional registry, and I truly believe people will want to see us go on this epic honeymoon. We have let them into our lives, so why wouldn't they appreciate an avenue to share in our joy?
What do you think? Check out the page I made for us. We even got our own hashtag. So people can keep up with our wedding posts and updates.
If you have been following me since 2012, you know the WHOLE story. Thank you for all the love and well wishes. If you would like to contribute, click here --->> James and Shaahn Honeymoon in Tahiti
Plum, Seafoam, Dusty Rose, Beige, and Blush are Perfect Colors for Our Fall Wedding
Our wedding color palette from which we draw our inspiration for decor... Initially, I chose cranberry but I am going with plum because I love the deep tone. If we want, we can still use some cranberry accents as well, since they are in the same color family. In fact, we can use any color that compliments my chosen color palette, so we have lots of room to play. (Most likely won't use cranberry though!)
Im trying to convince James to wear a plum or Marsala-colored blazer because that will set off our colors very well. I can easily imagine his deep, rich pigment against my soft pale hue. There's also a beige blazer that would match up well, but it isn't as contrasting and it's simply too safe for my liking. Even a gray-ish blue blazer would work well. What do you think? James is not a risk-taker. He needs to feel comfortable too, so I will take him to some boutique suit shops so he can see the color against his skin.
Don't you think the plum is better against the other colors? I love all these colored blazers!
James is not as fashion-forward as I am, although he likes to think he is ever since he got named best dressed in high school (insert snicker and eye roll here). At first he told me a flat out, "No," but last night he said he just needed to see it on his body before committing. I can work with that.
The Seamstress, Lisa Walton, traveled to New York to find the perfect color of silk faille. She is sending me swatches as I type this entry. I am so excited. Things feel as though they are coming together. Still have to get flowers, food, and James' ring. And James needs to measure me so I can send the measurements to Lisa.
SAVE THE DATE CONTEST HELP US CHOOSE THE DESIGN
Calendar Style
Knot Style
James and I have a photo shoot scheduled for May 21. We will be shooting our engagement pics in Philly (my hometown).
I will use a photo from that session to use with the Save the Dates.
Here are our choices.
Which do you like best?
Calendar or Knot?
I may do a combo of them both... Decisions, decisions (^_^)
Voice your opinion in the comments section below. Whichever gets the most votes, wins! We will use them to send out to guests.
Thank you for helping!
Keep reading as our wedding story unfolds.
Next post will be about Honeyfund.com
Yesterday James and I talked for about four hours. We clarified our thoughts about the wedding and what actually happened the weekend James spoke with his parents about inviting more of his family.
He told me that he loved Glen Garden and that when he agreed to it, he wasn't feeling pressured from me. He genuinely liked the place. With that said, he still felt torn about not being about to invite everyone but decided to proceed anyway. He said he wrote the check and would sort the guest list later.
When his parents spoke to him about "contributing," he felt compelled to at least consider it because it would allow him to invite all his family, which he is close with. James is from a big family who is very tightknit. He never wanted to invite some without inviting others. If anything, he would elope before picking and choosing between those he cares for. His compassion for his family clouded his vision and so he promised his parents that he would speak with me about the situation. When he brought it up to me, I felt as though he undermined our relationship and the decision WE made to book the venue. I guess it was because he wasn't expressive of his thoughts. He blindsided me with his inaction. (Especially not mailing the contract)
I think he should have stood up to his parents. I did not understand how he truly felt about inviting his family because he agreed to Glen Garden. He really did like the place and made sure to drive that point home to me. Personally, I view the wedding as something that is between me and James, and not anyone else. To me, the rest of the world is secondary. James expressed to me that he does not feel that way. For him, a wedding is a family affair. He feels torn having to exclude people. I suggested that we throw a party so everyone can be a part of our celebration, but to him, that isn't the solution because he wants his family to witness our actual vow exchange. If anything, a reception is unnecessary in his eyes. He said the vows are what he feels are the most important part of the process.
I guess we will never see eye to eye on that, and we may end up postponing the wedding, or simply eloping. But we both would rather be able to share our special day with those we love. EVERYONE.
James said he would take a bigger part in the planning and that he already made some phone calls to a venue he has in mind. He apologized for not being more outspoken but he will work on that. We spoke about communicating better and he promised me he would not leave me out of his thought process again. I told him his behavior was relationship threatening. He agreed and said that he will be more mindful and start treating me as he would he wife.
I told him that I never took him for a people pleaser and he assured me that he wasn't. It wasn't his parents' feelings that had him stalling about Glen Garden. It was him! So We agreed to keep things 100 between each other as we have always done. I told him that his keeping that information was so contrary to how we usually roll! We ALWAYS talk about any issues. That's our THING!
Yall know we just had an interview last month and talked about how we always keep things real with each other. James said he didn't want to disappoint me, so he procrastinated talking to me about the wedding and how he felt about things.
I told James that I wanted to know how he truly felt about everything. He told me he wanted a list from me detailing how I felt. I said I thought it would be best to just talk in person. He was good with that. I liked his list. I told him I would comply. And he said he would comply with mine.
I was afraid that maybe I was making a mistake, but I blew things out of proportion due to James' silence (Well, in addition to that, the last thing he mentioned was pushing the wedding back and his parents wanting more people there... blah blah blah, so of course I was upset!). Now that we worked it out, I am confident we will be fine.
I can't see myself without this man. I am not throwing in the towel, and I am proceeding with the wedding plans for October. I told James I was handing everything over to him, but I was lying. Im still gonna search too! Hahahahha
Oh, get this: James has a hookup where he can get free tables and chairs. I was like, WHAT? Why aint you tell me that in the beginning? That changes a lot. Ughhhh men! Gotta love 'em.
Before I end this post, I want to thank everyone for their advice and comments. I appreciate it and it helped guide my conversation with James.
Stay tuned as our story unfolds. #J_Shaahn2016 in full effect. (^_^)
Last Saturday James and I visited Glen Garden in Fredericksburg. James really liked it. He agreed with me too that Glen Garden is the type of business we wouldn't mind owning in addition to a bed and breakfast. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Smith will sell the farm and cottage to us one day. That would be cool! Anyway enough dreaming, let's get back to the present...
The garden was still being set up for wedding season, and the frigid temperatures slowed down the blooming of some flowers, so I told James to use his imagination to see Glen Garden as it would be by time our date rolled around. He told me he could envision it and he liked what he was seeing. He thought it reminded him of the Treehouse, in Philly. (Refer back to this post on our other blog) Our tour was short and sweet. James really liked it and told me that he would narrow down his list ASAP.
YAY
Simple Elegane
Glen Garden isn't too far from the spa where I work, so we can probably get ready at the spa. (I mean maybe have a morning massage and get my makeup done. That way the MUA won't have to travel as far. I'm still heavily contemplating doing my own makeup. I cant seem to find anyone I feel 100% confident in. I reached out to MUA's on Instagram, but none of them have responded yet. I don't want the traditional bridal makeup. I don't want my face completely transformed. But I want the makeup edgy and natural. I need someone that can find that balance between bridal and original edgy, ME. Glen Garden has so much character and charm that we are bound to get great shots. I'm especially excited to take pics by the barn and maybe with one of the horses. The contrast between my high fashion look and the rustic chic of the cottage is a dynamic combination! Im only giving you guys a little taste with these pics. I'll share more in due time...
Eat and Mingle here
Dancing Deck
My apologies, but I am thinking out loud here, so that's why my thoughts are all scattered. We are mailing the contract to the Smiths tomorrow! I am very excited, and a little nervous. This is IT. I mean we just put the deposit on the space for our wedding! Earlier in the week I sent the seamstress the money to purchase material for my special day. This is really happening, and I am freaking out.
James is just as calm as ever. I asked him can he be so calm, when such a big change is approaching. I told him that his life will never be the same again. He told me that life is always changing, and...??
I just looked at him and shrugged. Well for me it's overwhelming. My life is never going to be the same again. I am going to grow my household by four in about five months! I am going to be the stepmom of three tweens.
It's actually a blessing that James is so calm. He balances me out.
Oh, before I leave, let me give you the wedding details so far...
1. It will take place Sunday, Oct 2 sometime in the early afternoon, say 1-ish. James and I originally discussed having a morning brunch wedding, but I am slowly getting away from that idea. I think it would be better to start a little later since we are having the celebration party the night before. Yes, it's gonna be a wedding weekend extravaganza! LOL complete with my Martin sitcom-themed wedding reception / birthday / 2nd-anniversary party. We are going to have so much fun. People keep asking me whether we will record the wedding or live stream. We should probably broadcast from FB Live or Periscope.
2. I have also been asked about our wedding registry. We are registered on Honeyfund. I will make a separate post about that because it isn't your typical registry.
3. We got the Save the Dates narrowed down to two designs. Which do you like? We will post a separate entry so that you can vote.
Both styles are cute, right?
4. Oct 1 is the night of my Martin sitcom-themed wedding reception / birthday / 2nd-anniversary party. It'll be at a local pub. Everyone is welcome to come to that place. There isn't' a maximum number of guests like there is at Glen Garden, so I will make that one a FB evite probably at the end of the summer.
5. I found out there is a Yoga spot 5 minutes from me! So Im gonna start going there.
6. I have my hairstylist booked.
7. Next week we will do cake tasting! I want to do cake pops and cupcakes. James is cool with that. I will be sure to post about that experience.
8. I am sure that I'm forgetting something to tell you, but that can't be helped. LOL
Anyway, see you next post! And remember, our official hashtag is #J_Shaahn2016!
Follow us on Instagram and Twitter
Next post I will share with you guys the colors and theme. And the poll will be up as to which save the date style we should choose. I'll make a diff post about Honeyfund.
So... Remember the party James and I attended last month? Well, the photos the pro photographer captured of the two of us dancing got lots of likes and retweets on our Twitter account with the hashtag #blacklovelookslike. I decided to share it on Instagram and Kelly Stone, blogger and author, was tagged. She invited James and me to submit our love story to her blog, SouthernLaced.com. We were very honored to share and had a great time answering the questions together.
This interview couldn't have come at a better time. With the stress of our wedding planning adding to our normal stressors, we have been at odds with each other. Reflecting on our relationship and writing out why we love each other so much, brought us close again. We had a great night planned to do the interview. James came over to my place early with thoughtful gifts in hand. He gave me a bouquet of sweetly fragrant white lilies and pink roses accented by delicate baby's breath. I noticed that there was a handwritten card. James had written a beautiful statement, "I love you more than any other lady. I vow to make my love for you clearer to you daily."
For those wondering why James would write something like that I want you to know that we are happy as a couple, but James is a workaholic. It's been a work in progress with us finding a decent balance between work and quality time together, PLUS plan our wedding. Sometimes I get frustrated with his lack of participation and feel like I have to do that stuff alone. I do believe his love for me is strong, and I actually admire his work ethic, so I keep quiet most of the time.
But I have told James that his dedication to his work shouldn't exceed his dedication to his loved ones because, in the end, WE will be there! The job may come or go. Besides, why work so hard to build a lifestyle when, in the end, you have no one to share your success with? James felt my patience wearing thin so he made sure to show me how special I am to him by carving out time to do our interview and also spend time together alone. I wasn't even expecting him so early! I was still in my sweatpants when he called to say he was at the door.
In addition to the flowers, he bought me a beautiful blue chemise from Soma and some perfume. I loved it all! I was surprised and definitely impressed. James was so pleased with my reaction. He helped me take the flowers out the cellophane and put them in a vase. I noticed he went to a florist to buy the bouquet. Normally he gets one premade from the supermarket. I shared with James how much I appreciated him going that extra step. He told me how he had described me and what he was looking for to the sales lady in Soma. He told me he was a little nervous about the color, but he knew he had my size correct. I absolutely loved the color. It was a pale teal blue with black lace accents. I told James and his concerned expression changed to a look of satisfaction.
After we set the flowers, James sat me down and asked, "Okay Sha'ahn, what do you want to do? What's our plan?" I told him I wanted to do the interview for Soutern Laced and then get something to eat. Then we would come back to my place and relax just like we used to when we first met.
The evening was wonderful. We went to Ruby Tuesday because I had a taste for their salad bar. Plus I had a coupon for half off an entree. (Gotta save money, with this wedding coming up!) We had fun. We were just as silly as we always are, and we felt so carefree! We took my macbook to the restaurant and started answering the questions. It made us reminisce and we felt so close. We were chuckling a lot and kissing. The questions made us think and choose the best stories about our relationship to share with the world. You can read it HERE. I learned some things about James that I didn't even know, like the moment he knew I was the woman for him. It surprised me.
After dinner, we talked about our upcoming engagement photo shoot and trip to the wedding venue that I begged him to consider. Yes, Glen Gardens! LOL I hope he likes it as much as I do, so we can get that task marked off our checklist.
I'll end this entry now, but I will leave you with this:
When things get rough in your relationship, try to talk with your partner and take that trip down memory lane together! It will do wonders for your relationship. Trust me!
As I write this I feel slightly angry and utterly disappointed in the way this wedding planning is turning out. James and I cannot seem to come to an agreement on even the smallest things! I made some Save the Dates and he rejected them all! Of course he did not offer any constructive criticism other than I looked too "young" on one of them and he didn't like his profile, on another.
He doesn't like his profile
He said I look too young
He didn't give a specific reason for not liking this one
He said he was taking the lead point on securing a venue, but guess what? I haven't heard anything about it since the week we visited the Winery! Time is running short and all James says is, "I will get a place. Don't worry."
I keep telling him that we need to send out invites or at least save the date notices. I know that invitations can go out within three months of the wedding, so that is ok. But I really wanted to send out StheDs too! Oh well.
The stress of planning has us arguing and kind of distant from each other which does nothing but hamper the planning process. I asked James to rethink his position on Glen Gardens. Thankfully, he told me this morning that he would! Phew! I am going to call later on today to find out whether they still even have openings in October. I do not want to push the wedding back, but if we must, we will.
Last time I checked with the coordinator, they had every Sunday in October open. I emailed asking whether they had any Saturdays. Hopefully, they do.
I have been pretty grouchy concerning the wedding because my family keeps asking me when will they get the invitation. I don't understand why they keep asking! Why does any normal occupation-having individual need more than three months notice!?
I really am thinking of saying to hell with it all, and just eloping. But at the same time, James deserves to have the type of wedding he wants. So... I guess we will get on with the wedding planning.
On the brighter side, I got my hair and makeup artist locked. She is amazing and sweet. Very talented Russian girl whom I adore. We have some hairstyles we will try. I chose the hair I wanted, and hopefully it'll look as good on my head as it does on the model. I've also been able to save money and I am confident that not only will we be able to afford everything, but I will also get married with very little debt. My car note has only 1.5 payments left and credit card debt is down to about $2000. I plan to pay that off before we say, "I do."
Pray for James and pray for me. We are bickering too much. Last night we made up, but I do NOT want to keep arguing over trivial things. This wedding planning should not be tearing us apart. I wonder if other couples went through this. Part of me is happy that he wants to be involved, but the other part of me is questioning that! LOL That small part of me is like, "Can't James be like other men and simply stay out of the planning phase? I just need him to show up and look good."
James and I are WAY behind schedule in this whole wedding planning ordeal. According to the wedding planning gods, we should have had a venue locked down last month. We aren't even close to that yet. And it looks as if our wedding month is pushed up to September 30. That's fine by me. I made a list of about 10 places for James to call. He came through with one place, and here's what happened:
Our first stop on the venue "go-see" list I put together was the Potomac Point Winery in Stafford. It's only 5.1 miles from my house and would be super convenient, right? Well, unfortunately, we did not think it was the best spot to hold our wedding. Esthetically speaking, the winery is amazing, so photos aren't the issue. The outdoor ceremony location is not ideal to walk to in heels, and a beautiful outfit. They don't have any hard flooring down. You have to walk in the grass. Not only that, but the ceremony space is on grass too. There was no platform or cement patio on which to stand.
But before I jump into the outcome of our tour, let me tell you a bit about our experience. We drove up on a cool wet Sunday afternoon. I decided to broadcast from Periscope. (Our handle is J_Shaahn if you ever want to catch a broadcast.) James was being a ham as usual. He started singing about going to the chapel to get married. I shouted that we were not on our way to get married just yet! It was fun.
When we arrived at the winery:
First, we were greeted at the check-in area. The staff is friendly. You pass a bar where they hold wine tastings. We were invited by a staff member to stick around after the wedding tour to indulge in a wine tasting session. We smiled and made our way to the meeting area.
The tour began at 1:15 so we made sure we were there at 1. The tour began in the great Richland Ballroom which was beautiful. Spacious, elegant and full of light, both James and I fell in love with this space. There was a small bar right there in the ballroom and our guide and wedding coordinator, Chelsea, told us to choose a glass of cucumber-infused mineral water or white wine. James chose wine. I chose water. We looked around and noticed nine or ten other couples seated at several round tables in the room. Chelsea handed us a survey card and an informational packet that included a brochure, a catering price list and a copy of the Bride & Groom edition of the Washingtonian. (SWEET)
Richland Ballroom
I chose a table inhabited by a cute couple who looked about ten years our senior. I introduced myself to the couple before sitting down. James came a bit later and greeted the couple before taking his seat beside me. The wedding coordinator who was heading up the tour was very nice and got straight to business. After describing the features of the ballroom we were in, she took us upstairs to the bridal salon. What an amazing room. It featured two full-length mirrors and an old-fashioned vanity. There was a sweet Juliette balcony overlooking the patio of the Ballroom. It was nice. James leaned down and whispered in my ear that when we had our house built, that I would have a room like that for myself. I said, I sure would, and my room would also have room for shoes and clothes. It'll totally be a closet and vanity! I asked Chelsea where the groom would be getting ready because I assumed it would be on the same floor as the bride. She told me the guys didn't get dressed up here, and that we were on our way to the groomsmen's area next.
Just a peek at the gorgeous bridal salon
We then made our way to the basement and into the wine cellar or barrel room, as its more appropriately called. There were no windows down there and it smelled like wine barrels and wine. It wasn't an off-putting smell, but it wasn't exactly welcoming either. James said, "This is going downhill fast." I told him to chill out.
As the rest of the group trickled into the area, our guide extended her arm toward what looked to me like a cage of sorts. It was a room made up of iron bars. Yes, the door and the "walls" were made from bars. It reminded me of a book cage you sometimes see in public libraries. There was a large conference table in the middle of this room, which took up most of its space. Since there were no true walls (all the walls were made from bars) the room had no mirror. I was thinking, this couldn't be the changing room for the groom. So, I asked. "Is this the room for the groom?" The guide nodded, "Yes." I said, "There's no mirror, and its small and dark in there."
The Barrel room where James is supposed to dress. Do you see those arches behind the barrels on the right? That's where he gets changed. There are bars everywhere. Sorry that I don't have a better picture. But you get the jist!
She explained that most times, the men come partially dressed and don't need as much as the bride does. She said that there was a full bathroom next to the men's changing area with a full shower and everything. James looked at me. He mouthed "Going downhill..."
We were then shown a small conference area where small ceremonies and rehearsal dinners are often held. They had this cute Coyote Cave that I really liked. James didn't like it very much. But it was nice to me. The coyote cave got its name because of the pawprints a wayward coyote family left in the drying concrete when the winery foundations were first laid in 2007. I would totally have a dinner or party there!
The coyote cave had big wooden doors that opened out onto the vineyard. From our vantage point, we could see the winery and the grassy area where the outdoor weddings are performed. I immediately disliked it. I knew it wouldn't be the place for James and me to be married. For starters, the entire area was grassy. The walk from the Coyote Cave to the ceremony spot was too far to walk in heels on grass. James asked about putting down something to walk on and the tour guide told us they could put down a runner. That wouldn't do it for me. I would like something more firm to walk on. It's about a 150-yard trek. Maybe more than that. That's part of the reason we aren't getting married at James' parents' house! The grassy hilly terrain. It was almost the same at the winery! A hill of grass. Then the distance from the winery to the ceremony area was too far for our parents to walk. The winery does have a golf cart on hand for people with mobility issues, but at that point, James and I decided to just pass on Potomac Point.
Too far to walk in grass in heels for me
As we finished the tour up, it began to drizzle. We were ushered inside and ended up back at our starting point -- the great ballroom. We took our seats and listened to the final words of the coordinator. Although we had pretty much made our minds up, we decided to ask a few questions just to be sure the winery would not make our cut. You see, on the pricelist we were given earlier, there was a section for the price of a ceremony only wedding, which is what we were looking for. The breakdown stated that a reception is mandatory. My question was "What does that mean exactly?"
We had a to wait a few minutes to ask because the wedding coordinator went to each table to chat with everyone individually. James and I just made small talk with our neighbors while we waited. At one point, James pulled me into his lap. I told him I had a perfectly good chair to sit on, but he laughed and waved it off. He kissed me and said, "Oh Sha'ahn, everyone here is in love! It's okay to show it here." I looked around. He was right! Even the couple at our table would sneak and kiss each other here and there. I told him he was right and everyone was indeed in love in that room.
The wedding coordinator, Chelsea, sat next to us. We asked her about the date September 30. It was open! (Yay!) But no dates were available in October at all. (Boo!) I gave James my "I told you we should have started this process earlier" look. He gave me the, "Okay, you win" look. I smiled to myself. I asked about the reception-only caveat and she told me that we simply had to order some type of food service. Cocktails counted. That was cool. We planned on having a cocktail hour anyway.
After all questions were answered, we began to prepare to leave. The wedding coordinator stops us and says, "I almost forgot that we have a gift for you all," as she pointed to some gift bags that lined the back wall of the ballroom. I had noticed the bags when we arrived and thought we may be getting swag, but since she didn't say anything I figured maybe they were reserved for a different event. Good to know that we were getting swag. James walked over to retrieve a gift bag. He brought the bag over for us to look inside together. There was a blue box inside. The coordinator says right at the moment we are looking into the bag, "These are a gift from The Icing. Enjoy!" The Icing Cakes is the premier bakery in my small town. Everyone uses them for their wedding cake. I don't plan to have a cake. I prefer cupcakes or cakepops. But The Icing makes those things too.
We took a quick peek inside our box and found a lemon cupcake seated neatly next to a chocolate cupcake. We giggled and closed the box as we exited the winery. We were gonna tear that lemon cupcake up later!
We got into James' SUV. We sat there for a moment, both of us thinking the same thing. "Not the place for us." I spoke out loud first. "But I would have liked this to be the place, babe! It's so close to the house." James said he knows that was what I wanted but it just didn't suit us, picturesque though it was. And to be honest, it was too expensive not to have a better space for him to get ready. He really was not happy with that changing room. LOL We also agreed that we would arrange more than one go-see a day. We learned that it doesn't take longer than an hour to tour a facility and we need to get the party started!
James told me that he agrees a golf course may be our best bet. He had a couple contacts that he would check with during the week. We both were hungry, so we stopped at a local diner to eat and continue planning our wedding. James grabbed a notebook and asked me to jot down the list for him to take care of. His list included talking to his POCs about venues. We are toying around with getting married at Howard University too. He has some contacts there that may work for us. While at the diner, I decided to give our chocolate cupcake to the waitress
She did and ended up sharing it with some other staff members. It was a HUGE cupcake, definitely enough to go around.
Oh, and speaking of things going around, we are still looking at about 125-150 guests.
(-_-)
Im not sure where James plans on getting the money but I already contributed my portion for our ORIGINAL plans to have a SMALL ceremony. He's gonna have to come up with the difference!
After eating our food and solidifying tasks for the coming week, James and I felt really good. He is going to ask his sister to help us pull our day off. I have already gotten a professional wedding planner for the day of, but it's good to have a much free help as possible! Oh, I should mention that I showed James the colors I liked and he agreed they were fine. Here are the two finalists in my color palette decision. Maybe you can help us decide which one makes the cut. Im thinking of combining the two. So it would be Eggplant, dusty blues and grays with the pink and beige accents.
Cranberry, dusty gray and blue, and beige
Eggplant, dusty blue pink and off-white (ignore that green and substitute the blue)
I set up engagement photos for May 22. Hope to use them for Save the Dates. My goal is to have those sent out by June 15 and then the actual invites sent out by July 15. I know thats awfully close. I will try to push it up to April. I have a couple photos I can use for the save the date. Or maybe I could do an Evite... Ughhhh I need a place, but I also need a more solid headcount. I think I will make some Save the dates out of a pic we already have. That way we can get a better headcount. I'll ask James for the addresses this weekend. That will help us out a lot.
All for now! Thanks for reading. If you have suggestions, please comment below.
Despite my misgiving of being a traditional bride/Bridezilla, I must admit that I've fallen onto the "wedding fit body" bandwagon. I know I look fine to most people, but I've actually been wanting to get back into shape anyway, and getting married is a perfect reason to do so. From being a dance major in school, to joining the Marines, and then later working on cruise ships, I've been athletic most of my life. These last two years though I have totally slacked on working out at all; and stretching, pssshhhh, I can barely touch my toes without my hamstrings clapping back at me with a vengeance. It's really sad. James is more flexible than I. I have six months to get my life together and get the body I want.
Traditional workouts bore me, and my main issue is muscle tone and flexibility. I don't have the problem of excess fat, but I have lost mad tone and I need tighter glutes for sure. I also would like to be adventurous, so I consulted the almighty Google, and found some classes that fit my schedule and appetite for excitement! Going to the classes will help me get out and socialize too. Im usually so consumed with school, working and wedding planning that it's tough to get out. I just don't have the energy. This will definitely help there. I understand that working out will boost my overall energy level.
During my keyword search of "sexy fitness class in Stafford, Va" I found a gym called Pole Pressure in Woodbridge. They have a monthly membership for unlimited classes at the rate of $125. I think that's reasonable when you consider the fact that the cost per class is $25. I will definitely take more than five classes a month. (I'm on a budget and I GOT to get my money's worth) They teach pole dancing, deep stretching, chair dancing and more. I NEED that stretching class!!! They even have a couple's lap dance class. I know James would love that. But I will take the class and surprise him with what I learn. Maybe on our Honeymoon. (Ughhh which we have yet to plan)
I am looking forward to getting back in shape and getting more sexy for James. He doesn't think I need to improve anything, but I'll show him that I can get even better. By the time I walk down that aisle, my arms are gonna be like, BAM, and so will my booty!
We are a short seven months out and we still do not have a venue!! I'm pulling my hair over here, and James is just as chill as ever. I feel like we can't move forward without a venue. We haven't had a solid planning session just yet either. I researched venues myself and found that golf courses are a good choice economically speaking. Just need to find one with the best views. I looked into five places and put James' contact info in the forms. I really want him to take charge because he is a logistics genius when it counts. He can talk anyone into anything and I know due to his work experience, he will know all the right questions to ask. Oh and bottom line, James is a haggler, so I am fully confident that he will get the best price.
To his credit, James scheduled a tour at the Potomac Winery in Stafford. It's only a few miles from my house, so the location is ideal, but I think it's going to be out of our price range. I do appreciate James setting it up and it will give us an idea of what to expect at other places. Plus I will feel like we are progressing and I think that will be the biggest benefit of all.
I think golf courses will be the way to go. The price of the packages are just better than what I have found at other venues. I was really into that GlenGardens place, but James isn't able to cut many people off the list of guests, so it is what it is. I still asked him to revise his list and remember that we originally planned to invite the older people to the ceremony and the young people to the party/reception. Just need to get the engagement photo shoot scheduled and our guest list, so we can send out our Save the Date emails. Once we start getting back RSVPs, we will have a more solid headcount. I don't remember if I updated you all, but I do have the party venue locked down. I have my wedding dress, I have hair, makeup and photography locked. I even know where I'm getting James' wedding ring from and how much it will cost.
I know there's probably more to the list, but as I said, I have no idea how to plan a wedding, but I think Im on the right track.
Anyway, back to the headline. Remember I talked about wanting a really unique wedding video after seeingthis one? Well, I came up with an idea for a wedding movie. I posted on Facebook for help and got great ideas from my friends. I fell in love with one idea from a Marine I served with named, Sara. I pitched it to some filmmaker friends and out of those who said they would do the work, I chose Torell Shavone. I've worked with her on several projects (Watch one here) and have seen her grow as a director. I really like her vision and her style of directing. She is on board and sent her treatment to me outlining the concept for our wedding narrative. James and I love it. We plan to shoot in about a month.
I plan on having my good friends in the movie and I think everyone will have fun. So excited!
I gotta run. Need to email James some color palettes.
Thanks for following our journey, and dont forget to check the sidebar for helpful resources to assist you in planning your own wedding!
So James has a huge family. He claims his ESSENTIAL guest list includes 72 family members. To be honest, I'm not even sure he included his friends in his count. I am going to try to get him to whittle that number down. My essential guest list includes 19 people! It doesn't include friends. If I add friends, the number could jump up to 25 or 30. But Essential family members topped out at 19.
I have been the one to do most of the venue research. I found a quaint and charming garden venue near my house that has a very low fee but includes EVERYTHING from linens, and DJ booth to bar and card cage. I mean they provide everything for you. Only issue for us is the guest list. The venue only hosts 50 people or less, including the bride and groom. The place is called Glen Gardens, and is perfect for a small wedding. Check the site out.
I was hoping to not have to spend so much money on the venue, but if James has his way, we will be spending a whole lot. I envisioned this ceremony to be short, sweet and simple. But I think it will end up kind of complicated. I can't believe that he HAS to invite a minimum of 72 people. I know when he was married the first time, he didn't invite many people at all. He said many of his family were not invited because it was planned last minute and they had it on a boat, and the boat could not hold very many people. So, this time around, he wants to invite everyone! (sigh)
I'm getting frustrated with this. Partly because James is dragging his feet on finding venues AND he isn't keeping to our original idea of a SMALL ceremony and BIG afterparty. I asked him to find a venue, but he hasn't been looking. And he has the nerve to want a whole lot of people there, yet he isn't helping to find a wedding ceremony venue. As of yesterday, I have a spot locked for the reception/party. It's perfect and inexpensive. My idea is to have a themed party where people can dress up. You already know for the ceremony, I plan to have a simple cocktail hour after taking photos. I had planned for the ceremony to be small, but the party would be huge, so everyone who was not invited to the nuptials would still be able to hang with us on our special day. Looks like that plan isn't happening, although I thought James and I agreed on it. And it isn't as though I have something against a big audience for the ceremony. I was just trying to save money.
We have got to sit down and talk. AGAIN. LOL
Wedding planning is not easy. He asked me not to turn into a Bridezilla, but if I don't get more action and or compromise from him, the claws will come out!
